His plan

While the last couple of months have been really busy, I have really struggled with the realization that our lives here in Temple are quickly coming to an end. We moved here almost 5 years ago on May 27, 2005. We had been married a mere 7 months and were still in the honeymoon phase and adjusting to life as newlyweds! Brian of course had just graduated from MD school and I had just graduated from University of Nebraska Medical Center with my Bachelor's in Radiation Science. I was excited about my new job in the OR at Scott & White and having a our first home to call our own, although at that time we didn't even own the door handle on the front door.

Then, the realization that we had both left the only lives we had never known began to sink in. I battled with situational depression for about 6 months and really struggled with living in Temple. I kept telling myself, "I can do this, it is only 5 years!". How my perspective has changed. In November of 2005, I saw Dr. Fothergill for the first time to have my annual exam and discuss getting pregnant. We went off the birth control the next month and for 7 months I struggled with my own body not wanting to cooperate and even ovulate. I watched as the few acquaintances I had got pregnant and I was left behind. Struggling for 7 months with fertility is not long compared to some, but it was enough to make me never take my own fertility for granted. My heart aches for women who wait each month for a baby and the struggles they go through to achieve pregnancy.

But I realize now that God had a plan in all of that. Because I didn't get pregnant, in May 2006 I applied for a job (a very LONG shot) at McLennan Community College as a Radiography Instructor. To my surprise, I got the job and started in August. In July, we went to the Dominican Republic and I guess a little R&R and maybe a tad bit of Rum & Coke was all we needed because Jacob was conceived in the Caribbean! I began Graduate School in the fall, naively thinking that I was going to be a career woman. Little did I know of God's Plan for me.

Jacob was born in April, I returned to work in June to finish out my contract for McLennan. That was the most difficult 9 weeks of my life, but it helped me to gain empathy for women who HAVE to work rather than choose to work. Working at McLennan Community College meant day hours (as opposed to the evening hours I worked at S&W - 3pm to 11pm) which gave me the opportunity to get involved in the Alliance and begin to really make some friends. Up until that point I had one friend from work and that was it. I had joined a bible study thru the Alliance that really helped push me in my Catholic faith and I met some amazing women! Once Jacob was born, I joined playgroups and it was easier to form my group of friends. These women are amazing and I have grown so much as a woman and mother because of them. Back in May 2005, I couldn't have possibly imagined the relationships I would have or how much I would grow as a person. Nor could I have even considered being a stay-at-home mom and finding contentment in that calling. I have not always done a good job of listening to God and trying to follow His plan rather than my own. This is something that I struggle with on a daily basis and especially now! I don't understand why God is asking us to leave Texas and this wonderful life we have here. I don't want to go. I love my friends, my house and the church community we belong to. I can't imagine a life without it and yet I have to put my faith in God, because I don't know what else to do! This morning I was reading my daily reflection and I came across this quick little prayer:

"Lord Jesus, look into my eyes and call my name. I want to be lifted up to embrace your perfect plan!"

I pray each day for the strength to embrace His plan and find peace in all of this. In the meantime, I will cherish each moment here in Texas and the time I have left with my friends, trying my hardest to make the most of it! I am thankful to God for the 5 years here in Texas that seemed so long at first and now the time has gone too fast. I have to believe that what is yet to come will continue to be a blessing. I will always hold Texas dear to my heart and who knows, maybe we will be back in a year?! I would like to say yes, but that is up to God!